As of this moment I am divorced. At least I think I am.
At 9.55 this morning a judge will certify a divorce order. The proceedings were started some time ago by The Lady Previously Known As My Wife as that was her wish. I have had no involvement with those proceedings apart from signing bits of paper when requested to.
I signed away my share in the house. I signed to say I would raise no objection to a divorce application. Because what else can you do when the people you love most say that your presence in their home makes them unhappy?
Why is divorced a category on forms anyway? You’re either single or married/in a long-term relationship.
Why not leave it at that? Whose business is it anyway, and why are you stuck for the rest of your life with the suggestion that you failed?
I do not think we failed. We succeeded in all the things a married couple are supposed to do.
We made a home, had a child, supported each other in bad times and good and did the same to relatives.
Neither we nor the child did anything to attract police or social work visits.
We taught our child to read before she started school and encouraged her to ask questions and study hard.
We held down good jobs and asked neither state nor friends nor relatives for financial support.
We looked after our health and did not waste NHS time and resources on self-inflicted medical conditions.
Taxes and rates were paid on time.
For ten years, as my parents got more and more ill, we supported them too. My wife cleaned and shopped for them, we both ran errands, I checked on them daily, made myself available at all hours of the day to take them to hospital in emergencies (towards the end almost weekly).
Where in all that is the failure?
All around us were people who whinged about work and the government, rowed and smashed up their homes late at night, dropped litter, got drunk, drugged, neglected their kids, stole, vandalised and in all areas of their lives wasted state resources because they refused to take any responsibility.
In our workplaces, daily, we were surrounded by people involved in what is, effectively, corporate crime or theft from weaker people in poorer countries.
We were the exception. We were responsible, self-sufficient, generous to others in genuine need.
Yet we failed?
No, though maybe we just got too tired and there was no time – anywhere – in our day to check enough on each other. But that is not failure.
We did our best. But in a sick, lazy, irresponsible and stupid society we were the very rare exception, so it was not enough.
Do I feel any different after the judge has banged his gavel? What happens now?
I feel no different. I loved my wife long before a government official declared we were legally a couple. I will love her and my daughter just the same to the end of my life now that another government official has declared we are no longer legally a couple.
My values do not come from a state or a magical imaginary friend, so the opinions of random employees of either mean nothing to me.
I love, and I try to support those I love most. In my paid work and my outside life I try to be of help to others, and in all things I try not to be a burden on anybody.
I did that yesterday. I do it today. I will do it tomorrow.
Manx Low Life 