As I have already mentioned, the management of my daily unpleasantness is riddled with those who sincerely believe six impossible things before breakfast. A steady flow of evidence of such intellectual shortcomings (as opposed to the twaddle they accept as ‘fact’) continues to alarm, while their earnest espousal of flat earth crank methodology masquerading as contemporary business theory causes – at best – an ironically raised eyebrow but more often helpless fits of the giggles.
I have got used to improving slogans being splattered across the walls of the building like a Victorian Sunday School or Eastern Bloc countries at the height of Stalinism. Once noted and sniggered at, I can ignore them as easily as advertising hoardings for products I have no intention, ever, of buying. Because, frankly, I have no interest in buying into such a moronic lifestyle either. It is simply not interesting, aesthetically pleasing or necessary.
But an invasion of the very personal workspace is a different matter. For example, until the inevitable IT glitch put paid to it, I was being made sick by screen-savers with corporate maxims which appeared every time I left my computer for more than a nanosecond. There have also been ‘personalised’ corporate T-shirts which don’t fit (and which even a family pet would refuse as a blanket), corporate mugs big enough to use as plant holders and one compulsory ‘informal get-together’ after another with sub-Lidl junk food ‘nibbles’ in small rooms reeking of sweaty armpits.
Recently we entered work to find small plastic attachments to our computer monitors with yet more inspiring slogans. Mine read ‘We are respectful’. In truth, any slight respect for the company management team which I ever had vanished immediately upon seeing it.
It beggars belief that those who dream up such guff can be well paid enough to drive large, late model top of the range German cars, live in equally large, new, over-priced and tasteless houses and dress in equally expensive and tasteless clothing.
According to the myth perpetuated by its exponents, 21st century business management is as complicated as brain surgery and centred on an exact understanding of what people want or need. Why, then, is it inevitably practised by people who appear never to have read a word by the better known psychologists on how to inspire respect from their employees (rather than a stunned disbelief at their antics which is reinforced daily)? And more seriously, why is there a class of corporate investors above that apparently so ill informed that they not only fall for such nonsense but compete to throw more money at the worst practitioners?
The 21st century corporate environment truly is a working display of junk science in practice, managed by the exhibits from a carnival freak-show. But as long as it pays well perhaps we lowlife should just smile at the freaks and take their money.